Unconnu
Yesterday, I found out that someone I knew in a familial way back in Canada passed away, by their own hand, the evening before.
She methodically sealed the bathroom in her apartment, after taking a portable charcoal grill in with her, then sat in the bathtub with a bottle of gin. Eventually, the air became toxic enough that she was gone. In the grand scheme of things, I guess there are worse ways to go.
She was my grandfather's wife's daughter, which makes her his step-daughter, which I think makes her my step aunt. I'm not sure "step-aunt" even exists, so maybe she's just my grandfather's step-daughter of 15 years. Funnily enough I never cared about the details of her place in the family tree, and didn't know her very well, but it's been bugging me since.
She's well into her 30s, so was always much older than me, and the few times I spent time with her weren't memorable. I just didn't know her well, and she wasn't exactly in my daily thoughts, which is why I'm surprised I ended up taking a pill to get my mind to shut down enough for sleep. Funny how things sneak up for you while you're waiting for the sandman, and it's not like I had a real problem with what she did.
From time to time, everyone is going to sprain their life. Some people recover, but some people never quite do and limp along in a constant crippling pain. If you're of sound mind, and make the decision that there is no room for improvement and whatever comes next has to be better than where you are now, judging them for their decision would be beyond arrogant. It's their life, and I hope what comes next does good by her.
I know how it's affecting the family around her, and that's sad. She's sprained some lives of her own now, but I figure if you at least know the person isn't in pain any longer, that's something to hold onto. I guess what's bothering me most is that there's a little girl out there that was given up for adoption 9 years ago. One day she may want to find her birth mother, and instead of finding answers will just find more questions.
Life is weird.
Posted by drunkenbatmanAugust 19, 2005, at 04:11 PM
