DrunkenBlog

The beginnings of a waiting room checklist

So last night was a fun saturday night. A pal sprained their ankle several weeks ago, and last night for some reason someone started going on about this red spot on their ankle and how it could be a blood clot...

Several of us ended up going with them to the med point where they did an x-ray, and sure enough the guy was pretty sure it was a blood clot and that we needed to get to the emergency room.

No problem, that's what you do for pals, even if its a Saturday night and you've had a few. Here's the rub about the emergency room... there's the whole triage thing, even late at night, and apparently someone with what might be a blood clot is way down on the totem pole. Understandable, but I'd love to see the actual algorithm they're using to process the patients... as I'm sure we were reniced incredibly low. Once you've been given that low-totem pole rating you're really just kinda screwed.

So for various reasons I ended up being there for a bit over 4 hours while they did the tests, the whole ultrasound thingy, and while the first 2 hours weren't so bad the last 2.5 sure as hell were as only 2 people are allowed back with the patient, and yeah, given the people in the waiting room who were hanging out I sure as hell wasn't going to make a girl hang out there by herself.

I haven't actually spent much time in an emergency room waiting room. I had a car accident, but woke up hours later in a bed and got to skip the whole hospital introduction. I've spent scads of time in other waiting rooms, but those are in-patient or out-patient, and they're wildly different from what you get in the emergency room.

First of all, half the people are generally inebriated. The other 25% are generally really pissed off about something the hospital is doing or done or not done, and the other 25% are usually there in groups giving off a really scary vibe because, well, they're really scared for someone.

But hey, since you're dropping thousands of dollars just to sorta hang out and get some tests done, I'd like to propose some possible changes for the emergency room waiting room:

• If possible, throw in a magazine subscription thats vaguely male related in some way. Maybe none of their male clients read, but I swear to god I checked every stack and they all reeked of estrogen. People, Martha Stewart Living, Oprah's rag, Home and Garden, Cosmo... Generally there are at least some Field and Stream or Car and Driver magazines lying about when you're getting your hair cut, both of which I could care less about but I don't feel as silly flipping through them. And as of last night I know way too much about Britney Spears' current love interest than I really ever wanted to know.
• Try not to reuse the coffee grounds more than twice per day. I'm not asking for Starbucks, but gyeah.
• Some form of outdoor playpen for the children, or, if you have to keep them inside, a nice containment area that's soundproofed plexiglass would do fine. As it is, its kinda hard to watch the tv with a bunch of toddlers freaking out because its late at night and they're in a strange place with the vibe of death. My making scary faces at them when their parents weren't looking may have contributed to the problem, so I'm willing to overlook it. But if there's any place that is going to know the safe sedative dosage to give a toddler, its a hospital, so go with your strengths.
• Pick up a book on color theory. "Institutional Green" isn't a popular color for a reason.
• Figure out a way for people to be able to 'pitch in' and feel somewhat useful while they're spending a big chunk of their day there, instead of just sitting there watching their sanity decay. By hour 3 I was more than willing to start mopping floors.
• Maybe think about soundproofing all of the rooms in general. Sitting in the waiting room while someone is in the back screaming like they're having their arm amputated with no anesthetic isn't conducive to a nap, which, if you were able to take one, would solve a whole range of the issues mentioned above quite deftly.

I could go on, but I'm about to hop on a puddle jumper for Cleveland and well, I might as well start building a whole list about small airports which are their own small circle in the larger hell airports have become since 9/11.

Well, one thing I'm building in the list in my head for when I become King of the World: pagers. You know when you go to certain places, they give you these gaudy little pager things that beep and/or vibrate when your order is ready, or your seat is available. Why not apply the same principle to airports? It shouldn't be too big of a deal, and I wouldn't have to depend on the kindness of strangers to gently kick me awake when the plane is taking on passengers.

 Posted by drunkenbatman
    July 18, 2004, at 05:19 PM