DrunkenBlog

Jelly Belly abomination

I freely admit I may have a problem when it comes to Jelly Bellies, along with my other addictions. You can often find me popping them and chasing them with kaluah & coffee in late-night efforts to meet a deadline. (Yes, I realize I'll prolly be a diabetic by the time I'm 30, but this link gives me hope)

There's even a bad story about my younger years when I got home from work, and the two roomies sent me to the store because we needed milk and something else which I can't remember. Being entirely undomesticated, I was a complete sucker for the giant wall of jelly bellies display, and ended up coming home with the milk, the other thing, and $47 worth of jelly bellies in a bag. The girls were unamused, and it was an ongoing joke about whether or not I'd done it on purpose just to not be sent to the store again.

In my defense, the above is deceptively easy to do: you grab a bag, a scoop, and if you don't realize just how much a scoop, well, scoops, you find yourself going "oOooOo I love this type *half scoop* and oOOoOo juicy pear *half scoop*" until you realize you better put another bag around the one you're holding, for structural integrity, and you're standing at the checkout counter going "WTF? $47?!?" but at that point the checkout girl is looking at you oddly enough that you have to act as though you knew how much you wanted all along, suck it up & take it like man.

So anyways, I love them. All of them, even the jalapeno flavored. But there is one I just cannot stand: buttered popcorn. It's horrific. I know there is absolutely no way in hell it can be remotely naturally flavored, yet it tastes just like buttered popcorn. I like popcorn, and it isn't as though it's artificial tasting... it just tastes just like buttered popcorn, yet is in a sugared bean form. Uncanny valley territory. I just can't dig it, and find it grotesque.

There are few things worse than being on a nice jelly belly consumption roll, popping 'em without really paying attention, and you happen to grab one out of the bag that is buttered popcorn. Because the god damned yellow spots on them are so light, they're nearly impossible to discern under low-light working conditions late in the evening. Oh sure, you kinda hold it up to the screen to see if you can see yellow spots, but of course toasted marshmallow has light brown spots... and you end up with that horrible taste that you can only get rid of with 5 more beans or with a shot of rum.

I figured I couldn't be the only one, and wondered just what the hell they're thinking to keep shipping this abomination of a flavor. I did a google, figuring I'd come up with a neat lil "I hate buttered popcorn jelly bellies" page I could vent on, but instead I found this article:

At present, very cherry is Jelly Belly's most popular jellybean, although buttered popcorn held this coveted title for many years.

What. The. Hell.

Screwed.

 Posted by drunkenbatman
    February 29, 2004, at 11:25 PM